Accountant Joke 1
Q: What is a Budget?
A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
Accountant Joke 2
What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
Accountant Joke 3
Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Accountant Joke 4
What’s an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.
Accountant Joke 5
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Accountant Joke 6
What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Accountant Joke 7
What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise.
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work.
Q: Why are they putting the accountants at the bottom of the ocean?
A: They found out that deep down they’re really not so bad.
Q. How do you drive an accountant absolutely insane?
A. Tie him to a chair, and fold a road map up wrong in front of him.
Accountants aren’t boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
Q. What do you call an Accountant who marries an Actuary?
A. A Social Climber
Q.What does an actuary do to liven up a party?
A. He invites an accountant.
An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself.”
The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter.
“It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter.
The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know what you mean. I’m only 40.”
St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!”
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
“Why would you say that?” wondered the broker.
“Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.”
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”
“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” complains the man.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” inquired the doctor.
The accountant replied, “That’s the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!”